What Ifs
It’s been 10 days since Liam died and our lives feel like an episode of “The Twilight Zone.” Real, yet surreal with a lingering gut punch feeling- especially at night when the girls are asleep and the brain just won’t turn off. At first, the images that replayed were of the Saturday evening when things turned terrible. Turning to pack a syringe of food for the ED and turning back to see Liam in cardiac arrest. As I type this the images jump back into my mind. Now, the images and thoughts are Sunday and all the things that day which led up to our boy’s death. What if? is a game all parents play when one of their children dies. It’s a game no one wins and yet is played countless times everyday. Ambien helps when, even exhausted, my mind goes into overdrive wondering what could have been if only we’d done this or that.. . All that thinking does not reverse the clock- instead, I’m stuck in this endless loop. During the day, there are our girls to take care of. Eliza is 4 & 1/2-...