“Maternity Leave” and Special Needs

So, just to be clear, we do not have Maternity Leave in the United States. I know that seems weird, but it’s only because we often mistake Short Term Disability (STD) and Family/Medical Leave Act (FMLA) as Maternity Leave. This could not be further from reality. Here is what actually happens:

Working mothers buy STD insurance and are reimbursed between 60-70% of their normal pay for 6 or 8 weeks depending on the type of delivery (vaginal or cesarean). Meanwhile, FMLA guarantees a parent can be on the unpaid leave for up to 12 weeks. To add insult to injury, most companies count the first 6/8 weeks of STD as part of FMLA which leaves parents with only 6/4 more weeks until their job is no longer protected and they must return to work. There exists no federal regulation that ensures FMLA is counted separately and so most companies combine them.

For some readers, this may seem like a sweet deal regardless- after all, isn’t 6 weeks off kind of amazing? I mean, sure, if I was going to sleep all night and eat bonbons all day binging Netflix, but that’s not how it goes at all. Here is how recovery and bonding in the first weeks normally go:

First off, a mother has not only delivered a 6-10 lb human from her body, but she has also passed an organ (the placenta) she made to sustain that human, which tears itself away from the uterus wall leaving an open wound within her body. She will bleed for weeks as that wound heals. If a woman delivers vaginally, she is almost certain to need stitches for a 1st-4th degree tear. If she delivers via c-section, she will have undergone a major surgery that requires at least 6 weeks to heal from, during which she should not lift heavy objects (like her other kids or job-related items). During either recovery scenario, a mother is expected to nurse her baby around the clock, take care of her other kids, and still maintain a clean and orderly house with dinner on the table when Dad gets home from his long day at work. Now, many Dads are not expecting the house to be clean and will pitch in where needed- I’m lucky to have a rock star Dad for a husband, but many women shoulder the burden of childcare and house maintenance without the support of their partner even as they recover from a physically traumatic event. In any other situation, pampering care and demands for rest during recovery would be expected, but for some reason, birthing a child just doesn’t make the cut.

Not only does a mother do all this while healing, but she does it on 60% pay for 6-8 weeks. If she wants more time, the remainder is unpaid. That’s not stressful at all. And let’s be perfectly clear- this partially paid time off is for mothers who can afford to save ahead of time, can take out a loan, or can make ends meet with a 40% reduction in their monthly budget. In a Pew Research Center study in 2016, 14% of women in the US had access to paid leave. 1 in 4 women return to their jobs 10 days after giving birth. 50% of families use savings intended for something else and 37% of families take on additional debt to cover lost wages. 

This does not even touch the fact that new fathers cannot take paid time off (unless they work for a company that offers this benefit). So even if a dad was eager to assist their spouse and bond with their child, unpaid leave of one parent combined with partially paid leave of another would be reserved for the most privileged of households and completely unattainable for the majority of working families.

By contrast, mothers in the UK are given 52 weeks of leave, 39 of which are paid following the birth of a child. Let that sink in for a minute: A working mother has nearly 10 months of paid time off, unencumbered by financial stressors, to recuperate physically, overcome post partum depression, and bond with her new child, and a full year away from work as a universal standard. 

The US is the only 1st World Country that does not have some form of Maternity Leave, sharing the spotlight with Swaziland, Papúa New Guinea, & Lesotho. Most 3rd World Countries have guaranteed Maternity Leave and we share a podium of shame with Lesotho- which I didn’t even know existed until today.

Now that everyone is up to speed on the US standing in the world on the subject, I want to add in a new factor: Mothers of kids with Special Needs. While many children qualify for Medicaid assistance, there are also a great many of our kids that do not- we fall into this unfortunate bubble of most need with the appearance of financial capability that does not take into account the percentage of income dedicated to special needs care- in our case roughly 33%. That means that every therapy, medicine, and co-pay continues on throughout partially paid leave just as it does when working: there are no pause buttons or free lunches.

I would love to tell you we started saving the moment that pregnancy test came back positive, but sadly, every penny that comes in goes immediately out to three different therapists, medical equipment, medicines, and specialist co-pays on a monthly basis. We have made more money as 30-somethings this year than any year previous. Ironically, we’ve also never been more destitute at the end of each month. That is what it looks like to be the parent of a kid with special needs on a normal, working day.

The reality of the situation is even with a bonus coming my way in the middle of my expected leave, we will not make ends meet. We had banked on our sliding fee scale for all of Liam’s therapies going to 0 with the addition of a new child to the family, but unfortunately that hope has been crushed and the significant relief it would have offered is no longer a part of our financial calculus. We have one last card to play before the fat lady sings on this issue, but my optimism has diminished a great deal.

So, today, as I learned I would have to contemplate whether or not to put my son’s PT, OT, and Speech Therapies on hold for the thought of 6 financially stressful weeks to recover and bond or give up on disability leave and just take 2 weeks of PTO, returning to work to the detriment of my health and the bonding I would experience with baby girl, I cried. This is the first pregnancy I’ve had to contemplate what it would be like to go back to work 2 weeks after birthing a child and I have to admit it’s been devastating to imagine and plan for, yet this is a common reality among many American women every day.

My conundrum could be considered by some as a “first world problem,” but for many women in the only First World Country out of step with nearly every other country on the planet, it is a fact of life. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are tougher situations and uglier realities than mine floating around in the lives of mothers across this country. But in order to truly understand how difficult it is to be a mother in the US, it helps to see what it looks like from an individual perspective. It’s not just about planning and saving and being responsible. That argument is easily thrown about by those not touched by the issue, but it doesn’t come close to adequately addressing the many nuances of people’s lives. There are some situations in which even the most austere measures cannot square against stark, financial reality. We haven’t been on a vacation in over 2 years. Half my underwear is older than my marriage and the other half is older than my 3 year old. 

Women in this country- one of the most wealthy, if not the wealthiest- so often are faced with the choice of providing for their children or bonding with them, between healing and the electric bill.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think we should allow ourselves to continue to stand on that podium with (no offense) Swaziland, Papúa New Guinea, and Lesotho a moment longer than we already have.