What is a Heart Warrior and Thoughts on Identity
While Valentine's Day has just passed, it might interest you to know the entire month of February is dedicated to Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) Awareness and there are so many kinds of CHD: ASD, AVS, CoA, CVAC, HLHS, HRHS, PDA, VSD ... the list goes on and on. These kids are unique people and their conditions are unique to them, but the common denominator with these all these sweet babies and children is their overarching call sign, "Heart Warrior."
I did some digging, but apparently not enough, and I can't seem to get a bead on who coined the term or when. Regardless, our son is a Heart Warrior, thus a nuanced part of our blog title is now explained.
For our son, this call sign will be like a second name to him. He will grow up being "[Insert Chosen Boy Name Here], Heart Warrior." He likely won't add it to a resume, but it will be at the core of who he is. I wonder what that will be like for him. Like any born identity, I'm sure it will be normal to him. As he gets older, his scars may become a badge of pride, much like the scars we show off as adults recounting the time we really ate the pavement riding a skateboard. This is fascinating to me and I am eager to not only watch him grow, but also to encourage him to be who he is and to embrace his story.
As parents of a Heart Warrior, Logan and I also have call signs, "Heart Dad" and "Heart Mom." What a lot of explaining we'll need to do for our children if we ever adopt...
We all have identities and they are multitudinous: Wife/Husband, Mother/Father, Daughter/Son, Sister/Brother, Cousin, Job Title, Friend, Neighbor, etc... The addition to our list of Heart Mom/Dad is a reflection on what is happening to us- our identities as parents have changed in drastic ways. We're not just Jenna and Logan, Eliza's parents. We're now, Jenna and Logan who have a healthy little girl and who are expecting a son who will be very sick when he is born. This identity is complex. On the one hand, it's accurate and it's nice to not feel totally alone in the world. On the other, it can invoke both perceived and confirmed feelings from family and friends that run from admiration (gosh, you're so brave!) to pity (how will you ever get through it?).
It invokes feelings for the person being identified, too. For me, it represents a fundamental shift in who I am and what my life will be like moving forward. Gone are the fantasies of being a normal (cool) mom who can do it all and make it look easy. While not a particularly vain person (I don't think), I can already feel the worry lines starting to sink into the very bones of my face. Parenting is exhausting as it is with a healthy kid/kids- will I ever feel refreshed again as a Heart Mom?
Anytime a person gets a new identity they neither expected nor wanted, there are casualties. At first, that's all you see- what you can no longer do or be. But as you settle in, you start realizing the benefits. I don't guess I'm settled quite yet, but when I am I'll let you know what I discover.
I did some digging, but apparently not enough, and I can't seem to get a bead on who coined the term or when. Regardless, our son is a Heart Warrior, thus a nuanced part of our blog title is now explained.
For our son, this call sign will be like a second name to him. He will grow up being "[Insert Chosen Boy Name Here], Heart Warrior." He likely won't add it to a resume, but it will be at the core of who he is. I wonder what that will be like for him. Like any born identity, I'm sure it will be normal to him. As he gets older, his scars may become a badge of pride, much like the scars we show off as adults recounting the time we really ate the pavement riding a skateboard. This is fascinating to me and I am eager to not only watch him grow, but also to encourage him to be who he is and to embrace his story.
As parents of a Heart Warrior, Logan and I also have call signs, "Heart Dad" and "Heart Mom." What a lot of explaining we'll need to do for our children if we ever adopt...
We all have identities and they are multitudinous: Wife/Husband, Mother/Father, Daughter/Son, Sister/Brother, Cousin, Job Title, Friend, Neighbor, etc... The addition to our list of Heart Mom/Dad is a reflection on what is happening to us- our identities as parents have changed in drastic ways. We're not just Jenna and Logan, Eliza's parents. We're now, Jenna and Logan who have a healthy little girl and who are expecting a son who will be very sick when he is born. This identity is complex. On the one hand, it's accurate and it's nice to not feel totally alone in the world. On the other, it can invoke both perceived and confirmed feelings from family and friends that run from admiration (gosh, you're so brave!) to pity (how will you ever get through it?).
It invokes feelings for the person being identified, too. For me, it represents a fundamental shift in who I am and what my life will be like moving forward. Gone are the fantasies of being a normal (cool) mom who can do it all and make it look easy. While not a particularly vain person (I don't think), I can already feel the worry lines starting to sink into the very bones of my face. Parenting is exhausting as it is with a healthy kid/kids- will I ever feel refreshed again as a Heart Mom?
Anytime a person gets a new identity they neither expected nor wanted, there are casualties. At first, that's all you see- what you can no longer do or be. But as you settle in, you start realizing the benefits. I don't guess I'm settled quite yet, but when I am I'll let you know what I discover.
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